Stop shoving food in your mouth and you’ll get thin!

April 18, 2008 at 11:32 am (media, weight loss) (, , , )

I’m getting really fed up with advertising recently, specifically advertising targetting fat people.

Subway’s got full page ads in magazines about how going through life “supersized” doesn’t make for a good childhood, or having a “supersized” childhood is no way to have a life or something like that. I was unable to find this ad on Subway’s website, or mentioned on line, but I have to say something here: I was a fat kid, and my fat didn’t cause my problems. Other peoples’ reactions to my fat did. I’m a fat adult and, again, MY FAT is not the problem. MY SIZE is not the problem. MY BODY is not the problem. It’s OTHER PEOPLE TREATING ME LIKE CRAP that’s the problem. It’s OTHER PEOPLE TREATING ME AS LESS THAN HUMAN that is the problem. Further, it echoes the Animal House quote “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.”  So, you know, thanks Subway. You think my life is worth less than a thin life. That’s good to know. Now I have another reason besides the incredible bland taste of your sandwiches and poor service in general to avoid your stores. Thanks!

There’s television commercials where people stumble across discarded lumps of pale lard. These are chunks of peoples’ bodies (double chin, back fat) that they “lose” because they “snack on veggies and fruit while on vacation!!!!” or “get the small popcorn instead of the large at movie theaters!!!” Hear that, fatties? If you’d just stop shoving food into your gaping maws every possible second, you’ll magicaly become less fat! Chunks of you will drop off and fall onto the floor for stylish, slender people to find and marvel at. Do you have a double chin the size of a pregnant woman’s stomach? Well, fret not! If you simply snack on veggies and fruits while on vacation, those pounds will melt away, since obviously you never consume any veggies or fruits whatsoever and probably just shovel lard-coated Big Macs into your mouth non stop. And, you know, losing large amounts of weight is so incredibly easy that you can do so simply by making small changes for a week or so while on vacation. it’s just that simple!

Remember: your body size is wrong, and you’re inferior for having it. If you can’t change your body size by doing small, simple things then you need to mutilate a major organ in your body or else starve yourself or perhaps compulsively exercise. If that doesn’t work, it’s because you’re lying and secretly gorging on breath  mints and dough nuts. But above all, your body size is WRONG and you are BAD for having the body you do.

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